♥ vision of me and four ♥

i sat in the shower with hot water pounding against my back so hot so so hot it made my skin blush like a tomato and i screamed and screamed and screamed my lungs out because for once i could because the house was empty and i yelled and screamed and screeched my lungs out but it was futile because you wouldn’t hear me ever and nobody could hear and i wrote i love you all on the walls and the glass walls in the steam but the words fade away with a wipe and cool air and i sat there exfoliating myself until my skin was red and raw and felt spotlessly clean but inside i felt so ineffable and soiled i cannot begin to say how i feel when i scrubbed my face with walnut shell and apricot and i couldn’t cry no i couldn’t cry at all despite how i felt i tried to cry i yelled and screamed and screeched but i couldn’t cry at all. the water was beating my raw skin so hard it blushed even redder and the steam was assaulting my lungs and i couldn’t breathe and i couldn’t breathe at all the steam was all around i didn’t turn on the ventilator and i couldn’t breathe and i couldn’t cry and i couldn’t scream anymore because i screamed out all that was left of me all that was left the only bits of me that i covered up and threw away because i had to be whatever you wanted and i have nothing left not that person not me not anybody but a naked corpse walking around the house covered an strawberry moisturizers and lancome face creams and a face devoid of expression a face as barren as the sandy deserts of australia and a face as vacuous as space and a face as deadpan as a sheet of blank paper.