if you have ever borrowed a book of mine(which i have read), you will notice the presence of too many dog-ears on the book, unless i really motherfucking love that book enough not to mark it.
anyway, here’s a quote from a James Frey book i just finished reading.
I believe that pain and suffering are different things. Pain is the feeling. Suffering is the effect that pain inflicts. If one can endure pain, one can live without suffering. If one can learn to withstand pain, one can withstand anything. If one can learn to control pain, one can learn to control oneself. I have lived a life without control. I have spent twenty-three years destroying myself and everything and everyone around me and I don’t want to live that way anymore. I take the pain so I will never suffer. I take the pain to experience control. I sit and I burn and I take it.
if it hits you like it hits me, hard, then you truly understand me, in some way, or another.
Filed under: confessions
when a tooth of a comb falls out, its lifespan is only is as long as the next three teeth falling out. how do you feel, human, when you are worth less than a comb?
you don’t even know when you will expire. poof.
Filed under: confessions
she said she couldn’t write anything beautiful beyond four lines if she tried.
zhern leing, zhern leing. you’ll always have my heart. you are the most beautiful of all. i could fall into your warm embrace to comfort you, and you can seek comfort in our comfortable silence. friendships and what-not, since i was seventeen. i ask you to be happy.
like a needle scratching raw skin to bleed tears of red, i will be your needle. and i will scratch you until you feel alive.
i am skipping school to finish some shitty work. ROAD-TRIP tomorrow down south because my housemate’s friend(i’m not sure) is here to visit him so we shall all rent a car and drive down south for wineries, chocolate factories, and i have so much work to do because i’m not free next weekend because MISS KASE TAN is coming from singapore to visit, and we shall go to a gay club to ogle @ cute gay men!!!! and i promise you, miss tan, i will wash my sheets and tidy my (fucking messy)room before you come.
1. lit thesis to do
2. el2 essay to finish 1500 words
3. media essay on james bond trailer 1000 words
3. bio report 1/3 of 1200 words?
4. econs test to mug should be easy-peasy
off to EXOTICA tonight, with my favorite roast porkkkkkkkk and icey ice! yum! we’re all bringing my housemate’s “friend” to the strip club because stuffy singapore doesn’t have ANY! and then home calls, then we’re waking up early tomorrow to drive down south. hell of a hectic weekend!
and yesssssss, finally time to finish using my coupons(for the damned strip club)!
inexplicably drawn to this web of deceit hedonism obsession. sometimes i can’t tell the difference because the line begins to blur and everything just descends into fucking red red red red black black black black black and i can’t fucking see shit but i just keep walking into the fucking heat and i feel all the despondence oozing out of my every pore and then sadism washes into every fucking pore and i can’t stop no i can’t fucking stop because every fly’s eye has you on their mind, him on her mind, me on his mind, you on my mind, do you get me. i would lie to have you, but really, what the fuck do i mean by lie. lie lie lie i would lie for this i would lie for that. when you think about what the word lie really means, maybe i’m not such a nice person after all. every conscience is like a white cloth. over all the fucking untruths and unsavory sublime things we do, at the end of our fucking insignificant lives, we all die with a black cloth. so really, what IS the point of it all. don’t you feel like takahashi in a murakami book. with tentacles dragging us down deeper and deeper into the sea of black ink.
i think i’m okay now.
Filed under: photos
i realized i haven’t posted pictures in a loooooong time since my sydney trip, so here’s a random(because i don’t know how to chronologically arrange them in wordpress) selection of pictures from my iPhoto from april till recently.
anyways, life goes on; friends are food for the soul! what would i be without you guys!
click after the cut.
(more…)
Filed under: confessions
i’ll stop being psychotic now, thank you.
peel off our skin,
we’re gonna burn what we were to the ground.
fuck in the fire
and we’ll spread all the ashes around.
I wanna kill away the rest of what’s left
and I do,
yes I do.
she turns me on
she makes it real
i’ll have to apologize, for the way i feel.
nothing can stop me now,
there’s nothing to fear.
and everything that ever was-
is inside of here. -Trent Reznor
Filed under: complaints
at every turn my womb screams bloody murder and i feel blood leaking out from my womanly orifice gushing out like a tap on full blast can you feel the warm blood drenching everything. squat in the shower and a red avalanche colors the running water red like rose syrup and you see the little bits of rose colored jelly and you close your eyes in the scalding hot water and the head starts to spin and spin and spin and this feels so good every inch of pain washed down
Filed under: complaints
in the middle of the Red Square is an old woman with a basket of ovals. one oval, two ovals, three ovals. each oval glowing green and red. would you buy me an oval?
just one.
because i can’t find the Red Square no matter how hard i try.
Filed under: carefree
in the fray of messy clothes tangled legs soiled underwear pumping hearts gasping lungs contracting muscles chafed skin moist sheets soft moans heavy breathing what do you see? i see disgust i see the false heat in winter i see the dark nature and i see the way out.
way out of?
that black line.
Filed under: carefree
this is a good life. sometimes.
i love tarantino films.
