i really wish you knew the reason i’m not going to screw up this year is because of you. i wish you knew how much you meant. despite everything i say, i can’t bloody wait to go back in june, right into your waiting arms. i know the wait is hard, and i know you love me.
like i said, the days will crawl, and the years will fly.
i want you to be proud of me. not just love me.
iloveyou. i don’t say it often because i don’t want it come and go easily.
okay. anybody want to be my study buddy? crunchtime is coming. i need to finish assignments and write essays, essays, essays, and yes, ESSAYS.
geez.
Filed under: love
seems like ages since you found me. four years. time flies. remember when we were together and we dreamed of building our crime empire and a fortress together and having kids from palestine and israel and vietnam and cambodia……………
happy 26th birthday, you’ll always be 18 in my heart.
emily fiona heng feng pei, i hope you’ll always be happy. i’ll always love you. and those pink lips.
<333
this is the obligatory i’m-a-teenager-i-hate-cny post.
whine whine whine.
i hate cny this year because i’m ill. i hate cny this year because my boyfwen has to fly back jakarta. i hate cny this year because the INCOME is miserly. i hate cny this year because i know i have to leave you after this.
i know you’ll hate the distance. but i know we’re stronger than that. i love my stupid boy. 
love you guys for (always)being the loudest table in the house. and janey dear i love you! (:
click for pictures!
picture-heavy post!
long-overdue pictures of zouk on different days with different friends. thank you friends, for dragging me out on emo days.
anyway, happy holidays; i know school’s starting for some people! love you lovelies!
click for peeektures!!!
a year ago i was beautiful on
-
love
i was so high i couldn’t see how painful it would be to fall from this pedestal no no not at all. now that i’ve been pushed from the pedestal all i have are broken limbs and bones. it does not matter how broken everything is but the heart and spirit no longer exist. rub the
-
seed of satan into my skin
after vigorous copulation with the devil, yes the dull ache can you feel it
-
throbbing throbbing throbbing
away down south like a purple bruise deep inside. clad in all our sins i am me, and will always be, till the day i die, just like beautiful emily says it. if i had stuck to my guns i wouldn’t have ended up
-
shooting myself
in the foot and thighs and heart and soul and us.
the perfect halo of love escapes me. and today someone asked me
-
if i was a faithful person
. i didn’t quite know how to answer that question. i have no faith in me yet i am faithful. faith is not transferable; once gone forever gone poof woof toof! i am gone with the wind
-
irrevocably yours
yet not quite yours was i ever yours i don’t know.
-
what IS faith
i want to know
-
how does faith feel in my hands
is it silky is it soft is it hard is it steely is it intangible is it how i feel right now.
i am a forgettable piano piece
-
played
by a forgettable pianist in the background of a crowded hotel bar that nobody but the loneliest notice whilst the rest chatter about forgettable things and forget my presence and very being
-
i am invisible
and when i end nobody notices but my
-
player
with his tired fingers pining for somebody who scorns him for his low wages and unstable occupation.
i love my friends for loving me. and i love pammie. meet up to bitch soon! and i love xxxx for driving me out for supper and dessert and supper and supper and making me very fat in one night, faceless you! and i love friends who come out no matter what; work or school or exams!
/bimbotic <333
click for pictures(if you haven’t already seen facebook)
you’re like a drug, bad for me, yet i keep hanging on to the last vestiges of the last good moment where it coursed through my veins and made my head soar to high heavens. every time i say i’ll go and leave, i keep running back and i don’t know why. it is that very je ne sais quoi about you i can’t put my finger on that draws me back in a trance every bloody time.
home is in your warm embrace where i find comfort and peace. i wish we’d stop fighting for once.
i just want to count the beautiful specks on your neck and inhale in that warm, familiar scent.
i think we’re past that stage already anyway. new life, chug on.
sigh.
click for photos. and for once, i am as sober as can be, at 6am after clubbing.
i never realized the importance of a RAMLY burger till now. irlymisshomelah.
Filed under: love
i finger your coat with an urge to savor every bit of you, smooth, creamy, rich, everything i want right now. but you say no, wait, i promise it’ll be sweeter, just like delayed orgasms, you say. and i wait and wait throughout the days, waiting for the color of your coat to change, so i can put you inside my warm mouth and lick my lips, scattering sweet, brown sugar all over your delicious body. i wait, but i want you so badly. so badly i watch your coat for any sign that you want me too.
after five days of my patient coaxing, your coat turns into a smooth, rich, brown. mmm………
and i rip open your coat, to eat you…….
you ninety-nine cents avocado………… i love you.
and my delayed gastronomical orgasm is so big i want more………………………….
my epicurean ennui is satisfied.
for now.
Filed under: love
since feeling is first.
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don’t cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids’ flutter which says
we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life’s not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
e e cummings
like chugging around in a train in a state of half-consciousness; sober yet not quite. leaving on friday. so mixed-up all inside.
all i see are spinning ballerinas. spinning and spinning and spinning away in my mind’s eye, spinning round and round my head, making me dizzy and i crane my mind’s neck to look at where the spinning ballerinas are going.
then they stop and spin into your face. my ballerinas disappear into your face, your nostrils, your every pore………………..
spin away and away. do you not get it. my ballerinas are in you. don’t bleed my ballerinas out.
i beg you.
