♥ vision of me and four ♥

online hiatus.

if i say jump, you say how high.

decided it’s too hard to try and assimilate(any longer). fuck it.

anyway……… IT’S ONE WEEK TO THE EXAMS(SCREW ME). redbull is officially sex!!!!!

/goes back to studying.

i want to flog, humiliate, hurt, bleed, torture, fist, spank and punish.

i sat in the shower with hot water pounding against my back so hot so so hot it made my skin blush like a tomato and i screamed and screamed and screamed my lungs out because for once i could because the house was empty and i yelled and screamed and screeched my lungs out but it was futile because you wouldn’t hear me ever and nobody could hear and i wrote i love you all on the walls and the glass walls in the steam but the words fade away with a wipe and cool air and i sat there exfoliating myself until my skin was red and raw and felt spotlessly clean but inside i felt so ineffable and soiled i cannot begin to say how i feel when i scrubbed my face with walnut shell and apricot and i couldn’t cry no i couldn’t cry at all despite how i felt i tried to cry i yelled and screamed and screeched but i couldn’t cry at all. the water was beating my raw skin so hard it blushed even redder and the steam was assaulting my lungs and i couldn’t breathe and i couldn’t breathe at all the steam was all around i didn’t turn on the ventilator and i couldn’t breathe and i couldn’t cry and i couldn’t scream anymore because i screamed out all that was left of me all that was left the only bits of me that i covered up and threw away because i had to be whatever you wanted and i have nothing left not that person not me not anybody but a naked corpse walking around the house covered an strawberry moisturizers and lancome face creams and a face devoid of expression a face as barren as the sandy deserts of australia and a face as vacuous as space and a face as deadpan as a sheet of blank paper.

i’m not psycho. promise.

i don’t know a lot of things, but i know i love you a tonne, even if i’m not physically there with you. and thank you for loving me, my lovely indosingaporean boy.

i never regretted that night at hyatt last year. never.

you know i would never cheat on you. no guy’s ever been over, even for a beer.
<33

IM M SO FUCKIGNG ANGYR RIGHTNT RNOW I COUDLE EAT A DOGG AND SPIT ITAS BONES OUTJ RAT YOUR FACE AND KILLKJ ALL THE ANTSS AND COCKROACHES IN THE WHOELE BLOOODY WORLD OGM GOMG OMGMOMG OMG OMG GO BACK TO A VAGGINA AND CRASWWL INSIDE AND SOASKS IN THE JUICE DAMN IT ITLLL BE GOOOD FOR OUR FUCKIGN FACE, DMAN YOU NINCOMPOPP

i’m just scared.

god bless you, C.

with all my love.

i was thinking of making you a valentine’s day bento-lunch but i don’t know what to cook. so many recipes, so hard to make a decision.

i decided against baking cookies; too troublesome, and decided to tweak a muffin recipe online to suit your tastebuds.

think i might do a trial-run for my green tea muffins………… since i have nothing to do.

because this is the straw that breaks the donkey’s back.

sit this out i will. looking at every damned thing with heart-shaped glasses. fly away, mind. i know you will.

soon, if not eventually.

PURPLEEEEEE HAZEE DONT KNOWWWWWWWWWW IF ITTTTTTTS DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY OR NIGHTTTTTTTTTTT.

I WANTTTTTTTTTTTTT MY FIXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX SOOOOOOOOOOOO BADLYYYYYYYYYYY CAFFEINEEE MIXEDDD WITHT OTHERR THIGNGS JSUT MAAAKE ME HIGGGGH BUTT NO QUITEEE THE SAMEEEEE.

LET MMMME SMOOKE MORE UNFILTEREEDSSS AND KISSS STHE SKYYYYY

LEEEEEET ME STRUMMMM MY AIR GUITAAAAR ANDDD LET ME SSSSSNORT NUTMEGG POWDERR UP MY BEAUTIFULLLLLL NOSSSSSSSSE YOU LOSERSSSSS WILLL NEEVER HAVE……..

THERERE’S THISSSS BITTTER TASSSTE IN MYY MOTUH.

JIMI HENDRIXXXX GTTS ME SOOO HIGHGGG PURPLE HAZEEEEE

THRS      A GREENN HAZZE IIIN MY HEADDD FLOATTTING ME AROUNDDDD ID ROLLLL DOWN THE STAIRSS AND DANCCCCCCCE IN THE STEREET WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO

SOMEBODDY GETT ME CODEEINE AND BENDRYLLLLLLLL

LETT ME EEEEEL GOOOODD AGAIANNNNNN

HELLLO PPPPUKIMAKEIIIIII I LOVEEE YOUJ SO MUCHC WHHHHHHHHY DIDDDNT YOU ANSSWER MY CALLSS HOW DAREE YOU I AMMM THE GODDDESSSS OF CLOUDSSSSS PRAAAAY TO ME FORR RAAAIN YOOOOOU INCUBUSSSS WE WILLLL DANCEE AND GET MARRRIED AND GOO LIVEE IN AMSSTERDAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

STTTRUSM AIRRRRRR GUIITAR PURPLE HAZZCE.

NNNNOOOBODY REEJECTS ME. OVEEEEERT REEJECTION IN MY TDBEAUTIFUL GCFACE BY EMAUSOL!!!!!!!!       I’LLL MMMMAUL YOU,,,,, ADMISDDDIONS OFFCICER! YOOUU SLUTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOOOOOOW NOW, WHHHHHHHOS UP TO GO    BORRRRRING PSBS WITH MEEEE OOOOORRRRR EXPLLLLLORE VIEEEYNAM AND LAAAAAOS WWWITH ME!!!!!! YOOOOU’REE INVIVTED IFF YOU MALLE AND HAVVVEEEE DIMMPLEOS AAND CREDDDIT CARDSS TOO BOOK FLGIGHT TICKETS!!!!!!!! I SWWEAR I WONT MAKEE YOU WAALK IN THE FIELDSSAND STEPE ON BOMBSS SO YOURR LEGS WONT BEEEE BLWOWN OFFF!!!!!!!

GGGIME A CALL IFF YOURR INTEREEEEDTERD OK, FOOO SHIZCLE DIZZLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHRRAPNEL AND SSSOUP I WILLL TRRAVEEL THEE WORLD WITHHHH MY DAUGHETER AND NOOOOOOOT BE BOGGGED FDOWN BYYYY COMMMITMENENTYS.

SHRRAPNEL SOUUUP AND LOVVE. ALLLL WE NEEED IS LOVE    LOVVVE WILLL KEEEEP USS ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

LEEET ME FRRY YOOOUR INNARDSS IN TALLLOW AND EAAT THEM WTUH CENTRRUY EGGG PORRUDGE1