into the looking glass

Back then, I always imagined myself to be Snow White, and when I grew up, everything would be rosy. Now that I’m a grown-up Snow White, the scars still hurt, the memories still sting, and I am still in fear.

I still can’t breathe or think when I meet the ghosts of childhood. No words can describe the feeling of holding back the floodgates; that feeling before it all becomes overwhelming.

to love, is to feel pain.

Today I woke up feeling a sense of loss. I guess I surprised even myself, that what I couldn’t feel for months and months, came to me in a giant wave all of a sudden.

I thought about how you would not be able to see your grandchild, my niece, on her first day of school, hear about her taking her first steps, cheer or nag her about her results in school…

The next CNY, we will not be a complete family.

you were my summer

today my chest tightened just a little as i heard a song that reminded me of you. i thought of the softness of your hand and how that hand always found its way in mine.

what happened last night was the culmination of all my hurt, grief, and disappointment. i didn’t say anything else, because it was always more me than you. because it was time for me to let go. because it is so hard to fix you.

did you need fixing? or did i impose my standards on you too harshly? did i explain why i felt hurt? did i want to continue going on like this? i have nothing left to give. every move has a thought behind it. i kept quiet so as not to hurt your feelings, yet in the end my heart bleeds for two.

you were more of a sister, than my own sister.

goodbye best friend, i guess forever was a misnomer.