going with the wind

it’s the sixth day of 2016 and i already have a great feeling that i am finally going to have an amazing year.

friendship
i guess it was worth it turning on my roaming data at the istanbul airport to send her a happy birthday email which probably cost me at least $100. i don’t know if we’ll ever be BFFs again, but at least i spoke my mind.

love
i finally feel i have a clean slate, and my resolution for this year is to always, always say how i feel, instead of keeping my silence.

family
trying to engineer a trip together with my favorite two old people is quite testy, but i will endeavor to take either or both somewhere fun this year.

yelp
elite for a third year straight! my hobby has become an obsession.

finances
running super low on singapore dollars because of an over-zealous desire to hedge, but i am quite happy with the result(s). fiscal prudence after my upcoming holidays.

work
still clueless.

masters
application pending. methinks chances are low.

gap year
dependent on masters admission and economy/finances.

self
to read and listen more.

to feel is to be human.

morning
woke up and saw your reply. it made me swallow hard to see your name on my screen once again.

afternoon
my day flew by fast and furious but you never left my mind. i was on meds and my heart raced the whole day because it was like speed to my brain. in my flurry, i was still.

evening
focus is not a good thing when you’re etched in the recesses of my mind. can we please erase you? but wait, i don’t want to.

night
i went out on a date with a fine specimen, but all i could think about was you. we drove with the hood down and messed my hair up, drank wine, and trespassed to get to the top of a look out tower, just to see a 360 degree view of the downtown area. even in tranquility my mind was in flux.

nightfall
i was there, yet i wasn’t.

diss-honesty

sometimes i look into the mirror and do a little soul-searching…

i question myself and wish i knew the reasons why i am at times materialistic, selfish, vapid, ugly, and downright contradictory as a person.

i really need to evaluate my life and make more changes… but maybe after Europe when i satisfy my useless materialistic desires. i don’t know why i feel so much guilt for wanting to do things that everybody around me indulges in.

i want to become an improved version of myself, but i just haven’t gotten to the root of the problem and gutted it out… yet.

i don’t think i could do the dating thing again, until i sort out myself. i really want to be the bestest i can be. just maybe toting a cabas rive gauche tote, dammit.

#argh